Most wifflers let their stats and records brag for them, and usually contain said boasting to players within the league.  This isn't the case for Hickman however.  Last season, a post game discussion took place and someone jokingly suggested signing Barry Bonds to their team.  Hickman was quick to shoot down the idea claiming, "He probably wouldn't be that good...".  Once reminded that Bonds is the leader in career home runs* in professional baseball he quickly retorted, "but I don't think his baseball skills would necessarily carry over...I'm pretty sure I could strike him out 3 times out of 5."  Yes, that is correct, a mere 19 year old back yard wiffler could strike out one of the MLB's greatest slugger, because Barry Bonds would not be able to make the adjustment of the great leap between baseball and wiffle ball.  However, 5 foot 10, 150 pound tennis player , with no prior baseball experience, is able to take Hickman yard.  But I do not want to confuse readers, I am not disputing Garrett, only presenting the facts, because the vast wisdom is Hickman is mean to be taken and accepted blindly as truth.


Hickman's advanced skills in wiffle do not stop at being able to K baseballs reigning home run king.  Garrett was a stand out pitcher at Mount Tabor High School and his claim to fame was striking out Garrisson Lassiter .  Hickman was capable to hit lower to mid 80's while on the hill in his high school years and is currently playing collegiately.  One might think you can only throw a hollow, plastic, lighter wiffle ball only slower than a heavier and dense baseball, but they need to talk to Hickman to get their facts straight.  Hickman claims he can hurl a wiffle brand ball in the triple digits.  Though Hickman has never been clocked throwing a wiffle ball, he bases his claim on "all those YouTube videos...watch those and then tell me it's impossible."  Considering Hickman can throw a wiffle ball 100 MPH**, how could anyone dispute his ability to strike out Barry Bonds, and why stop there?  Many sports analysts believe Hickman could best Albert Pujols, Lou Gherig, and Ted Williams on his best day.


Many attribute the Red Faces lack of success to Hickman's poor managerial skills.  Making such a claim is a cardinal sin in the Church of Garrett and its consequence is perishing in the deepest, hottest corner in the depths of hell, where blasphemers belong.  Garrett is a natural born leader, one can tell by all the claims he has made and soon realize he is a reasonable, rational and logical person more than capable of managing a wiffle team.  The most redeeming quality that brings Hickman the most success in wiffle ball is his ability to be better than everyone, at everything, in the world.  Channing Tatum?  Gare Bear could take him, " easily, he is such a pussy. "    Fellow Red Faces player acting under the commands of Hickman,  Patrick Ronan  , said he has had many of interesting conversations with Hickman, one of which featured Garrett claiming "[I'm] one of the best players in the league even though [I'm] having an off year.  It's like I'm having an off year and I'm still the best."


Rumors have leaked that both Barry Bonds and Channing Tatum have been invited to the next Red Faces game to square off against Hickman in a  pitch off and a UFC cage match.  Going by the basic Garrett rule-of-thumb***, Hickman is sure to beat them both without breaking a sweat.  At the end of the day, no matter how many people Garrett has tried to fight wearing his infamous " beer muscles ", we all love him.  

Editor's Note: ***Upon hearing about the article about him on the website, Hickman asked me to text the entire article to him via text message because he didn't have an internet machine and "you got nothin else to do."***

* Barry Bonds home run record
** Never been clocked in wiffle ball, and plays in slow pitch league
***Garrett Rule of Thumb=Garrett better than everyone at everything