Ever been in a situation in wiffleball where you ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?"

I guess if you don't believe in Jesus and instead you worship a giant golden cow then this article isn't for you or you can just insert giant golden cow wherever you see the name Jesus.

So What would Jesus do?

You are pitching in your wiffleball league. It's bases loaded and you've already walked in nine runs and its still the first inning. And there are no outs. All your fielders are moaning. The next batter comes up and you throw three straight 90 miles per hour fastballs, all of which are balls. The count is now 3-0. Your league plays four balls is a walk. What would Jesus do?

If you said lob the next pitch, you'd be wrong. Jesus would stick to his bread and butter and whip another fastball in there. If Jesus didn't give up on mankind, why would he give up on a 3-0 count. Plus, why would he toss a softee pitch when he just uploaded a YouTube video yesterday of him throwing twelve straight blazing risers hitting the strikezone (I know it looks like the video was edited, but you Beelzebub wannabes are just hatin').

How about this situation? You are in a wiffleball league and its already week three of the season and you still haven't paid you league's fees for the year. What would Jesus do?

If you said pay the league's fees in full as soon as possible, you'd be wrong. Jesus would complain about how its not justified to pay 40 dollars to play with a plastic ball with a plastic bat in someone's backyard. Then he would quit and forfeit all of the team's games, thus completely messing up the league's schedule for the year. Then when spring came next year, Jesus would express interest in forming a team and start the whole vicious cycle again.

Your team has gone undefeated two years in a row and your team has totally destroyed all the other teams by at least 20 or more runs every game. What would Jesus do?

If you said start a draft or break up the team, you'd be wrong. Jesus is all about dynasties baby. You think Jesus wants a bunch of no hit, no pitch, no field lepors on his team. I think not. Sure the league will fold in a year or two, but that'll be worth it when Jesus can write on his Facebook page that he won five championships, five MVP's, five Cy Youngs and five Rookie of the Year awards.

You want to start a wiffleball league, but its just you and your two friends. Not enough players for a league. What would Jesus do?

Jesus would post ads for players on craigslist, then recruit his cousin John the Baptist (who would never show up because he got beheaded but everyone thought he decided to join a softball league instead) and then finally build a website using leaguelineup and post news articles for the next 24 months about opening day which never materialized.